The Realities of Single Motherhood with Cancer by Carina

The Realities of Single Motherhood with Cancer by Carina

When I reflect on what it's like to be a single parent with cancer, I can't help but wonder what it must be like to be a partnered parent - with or without cancer. I try not to dwell on what it might be like to have someone help plan and prepare meals, run a quick errand when I can't be in two places at once, or help get my daughter ready for school in the morning while I prepared for chemo. The hardest thing was when my daughter was crying and said "please bring my mama back" after I lost my hair. She wouldn't let me comfort her because I looked like a monster.
I try not to focus on the struggle - I put on the bravest face I can find and I keep going. I used to think I could handle anything because I have to handle everything, but cancer changed that. The best advice I got was at the time of my diagnosis. The doctor told me to lean on my support people and to accept help. If it had not been "doctor's orders," it probably would not have occurred to me. 
When I shared my diagnosis with my support people the response was so humbling. Everyone said some version of "please let me know if you need anything." I began to ask friends and neighbors for help with my daughter and realized we are so loved. Random little care packages arrived and were so cherished. I would remember too late it was trash day only to discover someone had already taken my bins to the curb. That feeling of community and connection helps me keep going. Being open to support from unexpected sources has been an exercise in trust, but well worth the challenge.  
- Carina, Tony Foundation award recipient and Cancer warrior
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